walking revolution

the other night i dyed my hair purple.
(and, accidentally, the microwave pink. but that is another story for another time)
yesterday, upon seeing my plummy locks, my mom asked, "aren't you getting too old for that sort of thing?"
as a million different responses raced through my mind, i simply blurted out an abrupt "no".
-though in the back of my mind i kept repeating the question...
"am i??"

now today a friend whisked a cyndi lauper video my way, and i felt myself breathe a sigh of relief.
i'm only 29.
 she's 57.
and apparently she's not too old for that sort of thing.


sometimes when i feel a bit stale i dye my hair. or cut my hair. or get my intoxicated best buddy to shave half my head.
and then i feel a bit better.
somehow, this time this particular turn of events is not only working to pull me from my little funk, but i feel almost inspired.
to to what, i don't know.
but something.
dammit.

why is it that when we're young we are allowed to experiment, be crazy, take risks...but after a certain point we are supposed to fall in line?
what is the point of experimentation if you're just going to end up going the exact same route as everyone else?
why bother?
and why should we ever stop?
what if i never figure out what i want to do, or hell, even who i really am?
isn't that ok?
can't i be an old lady with pink hair if i choose to?
do i have to get a job that i hate and wear button-down shirts with flowers on them and pleated khakis every day? watch daytime tv and fantasize about the guy who works at the post office?
i don't want to.
maybe not ever.

and i don't really care if the ladies at the grocery store or coffee shop or wherever don't agree with the way i live.
hell, i probably wouldn't want ther life, either.

and, quite frankly, i think they're only upset because they're jealous.
most people have voluntarily surrendered their freedom. they've built themselves a safe and socially accepted fortress rigidly guarded by their fears.

people get so wrapped up in what they think others think of them that they lose themselves.
i, personally, think it is FAR more shameful to waste the precious life your given doing what's expected, instead of what you love.
it's good to be foolish.
it's even good to completely fail.
it's like that line from harold and maude "everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much" 

you never know what the future holds.
you aren't even guaranteed there IS a future.
hell, i could get hit by a car crossing the street the next time i go out.
or i could drop dead from a burst brain aneurysm before i even finish typing the next word.
you just never know...
so i'll take my chances today.
right now.
while i know that i am alive.
 i'll be alive...