so it's the night before the night before christmas.
thing are pretty much the same as they always are this time of year.
and just like years passed, this one finds me in a similar state; relatively broke, moderately stressed, and unbearably grateful.
on this december 23rd, 2010 (ok, it's actually the 24th at this point, but whatever) i have nothing to complain about.
really.
despite the fact that this year finds me in the worst financial shape i have ever been in, no presents from me under the tree, no real solid job, didn't make the deadline for school...
yet all i can think is how really lucky i am.
i have a family who has shown their support and love over and over again without judgment and asking nothing in return,
i have these crazy people who accept or, at the very least, ignore my annoying quirks and faults and bad-friend antics and continue, after all these years (or weeks) to call me "friend",
i have a fiancee who makes me feel balance and love like i have never known
i have a roof over my head
fur on every article of clothing i own
food in the fridge
gas in the tank
i am a lucky girl.
and it doesn't matter what other people are getting this year for christmas or whatever the fuck it is you celebrate, i have more than i could ever want for, more than could fit under any damn tree.
so i guess what i'm saying is thanks...all of you...
the big ones,
little ones,
furry ones,
old ones,
and new ones
for rocking my fucking life.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
unfinished
I remember when
We fought not to come clean
To keep the smell of wood smoke in our hair
And our clothes keep whispers of burning branches
Under the stars
Under the wide Wisconsin sky…
I remember the summer
Dirty and brown
Your permanent frown
And my clumsy words falling from my mouth
all around you
and our skin soaked with rain
I remember…
Saturday, November 20, 2010
deer season, waiting for snow.
i've been meaning to write more.
but these are always my intentions...
it seems like lately i have little to share.
i wake up, eat breakfast , have some coffee, accomplish menial daily tasks, watch movies and fall asleep on the sofa.
day after day.
my town is how i know it, i don't need to wander and explore.
and my mind is as it always was...and like my tiny city, it seems there is never really anything extraordinary luring around corners or springing from unexpected places.
just a landscape of familiarity.
comforting as it is, these cold days find me longing for dark woods.
i yearn for the need to watch my step, stay alert, be wary.
and normally on days like this i would just take to the woods, even moderately familiar woods, if only briefly...but seeing as it is opening day of deer season in the northwoods, well, suffice it to say that it is probably not in my best interest.
speaking of deer season in the north woods, this time of year always makes me chuckle.
it's the only time of year when all the artisan beer and wine is tucked away, instead replaced with prominent displays of kessler, stacked 8 feet high, and mountains of miller light.
cheap liquor proudly crowding the windows, presumably and obviously targeting hunters...luring them in with the seasons finest...whispering ,"yes good sir, stock up on plastic, industrial sized bottles of whiskey before venturing into the forest with a loaded rifle!"
ah, wisconsin, you silly state, you...
actually, these almost wintry days really gets me going. it's some of my absolute favorite bits of the seasons.
anticipating snow, planning gatherings, hopping from holiday to holiday, indulging in absurd amounts of food... it seems to me to be a time when people really make an effort....no matter what they are doing, do do it well.
and everything is pretty. even if there were no such thing as holidays this is an absolutely gorgeous sliver of time. maybe it's just because nearly a month of drab brown and gray is suddenly tucked away under a sparkling spotless blanket, neat and tidy.
and that's all i'm waiting for, right now.
but these are always my intentions...
it seems like lately i have little to share.
i wake up, eat breakfast , have some coffee, accomplish menial daily tasks, watch movies and fall asleep on the sofa.
day after day.
my town is how i know it, i don't need to wander and explore.
and my mind is as it always was...and like my tiny city, it seems there is never really anything extraordinary luring around corners or springing from unexpected places.
just a landscape of familiarity.
comforting as it is, these cold days find me longing for dark woods.
i yearn for the need to watch my step, stay alert, be wary.
and normally on days like this i would just take to the woods, even moderately familiar woods, if only briefly...but seeing as it is opening day of deer season in the northwoods, well, suffice it to say that it is probably not in my best interest.
speaking of deer season in the north woods, this time of year always makes me chuckle.
it's the only time of year when all the artisan beer and wine is tucked away, instead replaced with prominent displays of kessler, stacked 8 feet high, and mountains of miller light.
cheap liquor proudly crowding the windows, presumably and obviously targeting hunters...luring them in with the seasons finest...whispering ,"yes good sir, stock up on plastic, industrial sized bottles of whiskey before venturing into the forest with a loaded rifle!"
ah, wisconsin, you silly state, you...
actually, these almost wintry days really gets me going. it's some of my absolute favorite bits of the seasons.
anticipating snow, planning gatherings, hopping from holiday to holiday, indulging in absurd amounts of food... it seems to me to be a time when people really make an effort....no matter what they are doing, do do it well.
and everything is pretty. even if there were no such thing as holidays this is an absolutely gorgeous sliver of time. maybe it's just because nearly a month of drab brown and gray is suddenly tucked away under a sparkling spotless blanket, neat and tidy.
and that's all i'm waiting for, right now.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
30 truth and bone confessions
1) i am planning on pulling out my own tooth. i have no intention of paying a dentist and absurd fee to do it. once i figure out which exact tooth it is, it's game on.
2) i think i'm hilarious.
some people don't agree. but they can fuck off.
3)i should not be doing this right now because i am in a grumpy mood. i'm usually in a grumpy mood, as most of you know quite well, but last night me and whiskey did the forbidden dance and right now i feel kinda gross. i will not be ding that again. whiskey, you are a sneaky friend. i trust you no longer.
4) i am upset with myself because i don't write anymore. i want to, i NEED to, but i don't. and i don't know why.
5) i have enough underwear to go well over a month without having to do laundry.
that is no accident.
6) i put off going to school because i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i want to do a little bit of everything and they don't have a major for that.
7) i sometimes like hanging out with my dogs more than with most people. even when they are naughty. like tight now.
8) i truly get upset if i'm at home and someone makes me a beverage in a coffee cup that is not my own. i find my own coffee cup ( my owl or alaska cup) comforting, and i feel almost like i am defiling the owner of the cup i am using. thusly, i do not like other people using my cup.
but i never say anything.
(though i have an inkling my sister feels the same way)
9) i rarely ever wear socks. even i winter. still.
they make me absolutely crazy when they creep out of place. so i take my chances with frostbite.
10) i am rarely ever satisfied with my work. especially my art or writing. everything i do is a work in progress, and likely will be until i cease to exist. and i've made my peace with that.
11) and speaking of making peace, i am completely aware that i am not as pretty as other girls. and i'm ok with that.
really. i'm cute enough, and like to think that my absurd personality is charming enough to compensate. and i have great shoes. that helps.
12) thinks that rein kubinek will someday rule the world. if only secretly and quietly.
seriously, i have huge respect for her.
13) i'm pretty confident that my mom knows how much i love her, but i doubt my dad is as aware. and that breaks my heart a little.
14) i feel a need for constant change. in absolutely every aspect of my life. i do not like when things are routine. it makes me uncomfortably stifled. and i get bored relatively quickly. this usually causes problems in my relationships.
15) you can say what you want about me, but if you say something nasty about my sister, well, my wrath will likely be upon you.
16) i can sing like a motherfucker. it's therapeutic. probably the most therapeutic thing i can think of, actually. but i don't do it publicly anymore because i can't play an instrument, and, well, every girl can sing, right? these days the seats of the car are my only audience.
17) sometimes i hate people instantly. they don't even need to do anything deplorable, i just find something about their character nauseating and i decide to hate them. usually the really cocky and self righteous are my target. but i don't hate them silently....
and i sometimes get so verbally viscous it disturbs me.
i try not to do that too much anymore if i can help it.
18) i can't stand it if there is sand in my bed. this is a bit problematic when the dogs want to snuggle.
19) i like taking broken things apart and figuring out how to fix them. pricing guns, staplers, vacuums...things like that.
20) i have a bad temper. sometimes i throw things baguettes, pumpkins, chairs... sorry.
21) i do not like working. the 9-5 gig is not my bag. i need to figure out how to make money on my own schedule.
22) that said, i work really well under pressure. i can quickly break down problems and find workable solutions and still be nice to my co-workers.
23) i do not consider myself a photographer. i'm just moderately good at taking photos. mostly photos of people. and mostly emotional, spontaneous photos. which is funny because most of the time i get more of a stir from nature, and i generally don't care for most people.
i take terrible nature photography.
24) i don't even know how to use photoshop. i mean, i can do some utterly basic stuff, but , hell, i can't even crop properly. it's really ridiculous.
25) i am a terrible speller. and also horrendous when it comes to typos. if it weren't for instant spell-check, you'd all think i was an imbecile.
26) i don't wear deodorant. that shit creeps me out. i smell good, though. most of the time. and when i don't a bit of hand sanitized to the pits works. it's just alcohol, so i feel ok about it.
27) i cry when i get angry. my eyes tear up, my face gets bright red.
not intimidating.
28) i feel like i talk too much. sometimes i feel as if i am dominating the conversation. i don't like it.
i suppose it's like anything else, i am headstrong and take control. i'm overall dominating. i get bossy and i don't like that either. i just have very strong feelings about how things should be, and if you can't do it the way i feel it should be done i have no problem doing it myself. i have a really hard time relinquishing control.
i don't really see this as a good trait.
29) i am prone to depression and ADD. but i figured out little tricks for my brain to combat both.
when i'm down, i write the best stuff. and i create, do artsy shit. i don't do that when i'm happy.
and as far as the add goes, i can't explain how that works. i stopped fighting the madness and let my brain do what it wants, and try and follow along, if that makes sense. so sometimes when i'm talking to people it seems like i'm not paying attention because i'm doing something else. but i promise you, i am.
30) i really thought i was going to cut this list short and only do like, 15 or 20. i am surprised i finished it.
2) i think i'm hilarious.
some people don't agree. but they can fuck off.
3)i should not be doing this right now because i am in a grumpy mood. i'm usually in a grumpy mood, as most of you know quite well, but last night me and whiskey did the forbidden dance and right now i feel kinda gross. i will not be ding that again. whiskey, you are a sneaky friend. i trust you no longer.
4) i am upset with myself because i don't write anymore. i want to, i NEED to, but i don't. and i don't know why.
5) i have enough underwear to go well over a month without having to do laundry.
that is no accident.
6) i put off going to school because i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i want to do a little bit of everything and they don't have a major for that.
7) i sometimes like hanging out with my dogs more than with most people. even when they are naughty. like tight now.
8) i truly get upset if i'm at home and someone makes me a beverage in a coffee cup that is not my own. i find my own coffee cup ( my owl or alaska cup) comforting, and i feel almost like i am defiling the owner of the cup i am using. thusly, i do not like other people using my cup.
but i never say anything.
(though i have an inkling my sister feels the same way)
9) i rarely ever wear socks. even i winter. still.
they make me absolutely crazy when they creep out of place. so i take my chances with frostbite.
10) i am rarely ever satisfied with my work. especially my art or writing. everything i do is a work in progress, and likely will be until i cease to exist. and i've made my peace with that.
11) and speaking of making peace, i am completely aware that i am not as pretty as other girls. and i'm ok with that.
really. i'm cute enough, and like to think that my absurd personality is charming enough to compensate. and i have great shoes. that helps.
12) thinks that rein kubinek will someday rule the world. if only secretly and quietly.
seriously, i have huge respect for her.
13) i'm pretty confident that my mom knows how much i love her, but i doubt my dad is as aware. and that breaks my heart a little.
14) i feel a need for constant change. in absolutely every aspect of my life. i do not like when things are routine. it makes me uncomfortably stifled. and i get bored relatively quickly. this usually causes problems in my relationships.
15) you can say what you want about me, but if you say something nasty about my sister, well, my wrath will likely be upon you.
16) i can sing like a motherfucker. it's therapeutic. probably the most therapeutic thing i can think of, actually. but i don't do it publicly anymore because i can't play an instrument, and, well, every girl can sing, right? these days the seats of the car are my only audience.
17) sometimes i hate people instantly. they don't even need to do anything deplorable, i just find something about their character nauseating and i decide to hate them. usually the really cocky and self righteous are my target. but i don't hate them silently....
and i sometimes get so verbally viscous it disturbs me.
i try not to do that too much anymore if i can help it.
18) i can't stand it if there is sand in my bed. this is a bit problematic when the dogs want to snuggle.
19) i like taking broken things apart and figuring out how to fix them. pricing guns, staplers, vacuums...things like that.
20) i have a bad temper. sometimes i throw things baguettes, pumpkins, chairs... sorry.
21) i do not like working. the 9-5 gig is not my bag. i need to figure out how to make money on my own schedule.
22) that said, i work really well under pressure. i can quickly break down problems and find workable solutions and still be nice to my co-workers.
23) i do not consider myself a photographer. i'm just moderately good at taking photos. mostly photos of people. and mostly emotional, spontaneous photos. which is funny because most of the time i get more of a stir from nature, and i generally don't care for most people.
i take terrible nature photography.
24) i don't even know how to use photoshop. i mean, i can do some utterly basic stuff, but , hell, i can't even crop properly. it's really ridiculous.
25) i am a terrible speller. and also horrendous when it comes to typos. if it weren't for instant spell-check, you'd all think i was an imbecile.
26) i don't wear deodorant. that shit creeps me out. i smell good, though. most of the time. and when i don't a bit of hand sanitized to the pits works. it's just alcohol, so i feel ok about it.
27) i cry when i get angry. my eyes tear up, my face gets bright red.
not intimidating.
28) i feel like i talk too much. sometimes i feel as if i am dominating the conversation. i don't like it.
i suppose it's like anything else, i am headstrong and take control. i'm overall dominating. i get bossy and i don't like that either. i just have very strong feelings about how things should be, and if you can't do it the way i feel it should be done i have no problem doing it myself. i have a really hard time relinquishing control.
i don't really see this as a good trait.
29) i am prone to depression and ADD. but i figured out little tricks for my brain to combat both.
when i'm down, i write the best stuff. and i create, do artsy shit. i don't do that when i'm happy.
and as far as the add goes, i can't explain how that works. i stopped fighting the madness and let my brain do what it wants, and try and follow along, if that makes sense. so sometimes when i'm talking to people it seems like i'm not paying attention because i'm doing something else. but i promise you, i am.
30) i really thought i was going to cut this list short and only do like, 15 or 20. i am surprised i finished it.
Monday, October 25, 2010
15 horror movies...baby.
apparently i'm supposed to compile a list of 15 horror movies that changed my life and tag 15 friends to do the same. so says adam.
call me a sheep, but i pretty much do what adam tells me to do.
-and you should, too.
he IS pretty evil, after all....
King Kong bet you didn't see that one coming. when i was little we used to watch this movie at my grandparents house. though today you won't find me sitting around watching and re-watching a giant clay gorilla terrorize fay wray, it likely planted a seed of love for monster movies.
stephan kings night shift collection: disciples of the crow/the night waiter i don't even remember what these movies are about. my grandpa loved horror movies, and his house is where my sister and i first for a taste of the good stuff. sometimes he would be watching a particularly scary/gory film and we would choose to go play in another room. sometimes not. this little two-film collection is one we would watch from time to time. too bad its not available on dvd. i'd like to watch them again. i'm sure they're horrible. i really don't care much for stephan king.
hocus pocus i know what you're snickering...it's not a real horror movie. but i adore it now just as much as i did when i was 12. it's spooky, fun, and has doug jones as an lovable zombie. what more could you ask for in a disney movie? (-right, hidden penises. you've got little mermaid for that.)
i indulge in this little flick when i am sad, sick or just want to feel a little bit better about life. i'll probably watch it today, as a matter of fact....
monster squad another one...i loved this movie as a kid. i love this movie today. i really like the german armadillos. that was a nice touch.
are you starting to see how i ended up this way? these movies were my childhood sustenance. that and the last unicorn, labyrinth and dark crystal, which are all pretty weird and sorta fucked up.
horror seemed to stick with me, and as i got older i just kept watching, renting totally random horror movies, buying totally random cheap horror movies when i could find them...what follows are my favorites today
nosferatu i love this movie. i think it's still just as spooky today as it was 88 years ago. it's one of those things that can never be improved upon. i adore classic horror. i could accurately be tattooed with "can be seduced with black and white horror". i have volumes of old horror movies, and i think this is the crown jewel. it's perfection.
pumpkinhead i think pumpkinhead is the most adorable little thing! (until he starts looking like lance fredrickson. then he's not so cute anymore.)
i love the atmosphere, the story, woods, spooky swamp, witches cabin...the characters the monster...everything about thins little gem.
and if i could have a grand entrance like pumpkinhead does every time he happens on the scene my life would be awesome. flashes of lightning, rattlesnake sounds, blowing leaves (even inside!) that dude brings the party.
all it took was a swish of his little tail and i was smitten. he's my little (you know, 7 foot) demonic love. *swoon*
the wolf man i watch this one over and over. lon cheney jr is heartbreaking. and gypsies are cool.
gypsies and werewolves.
kind of two of my favorite things. i just can't go wrong here.
werewolves have a special place in my black little heart. and they kind of make my loins quiver. (god that sounds gross). but seriously, aside from twilight and blood and chocolate, i can pretty much tolerate and/or enjoy any werewolf movie. i could go on and on and finish this list solely in the werewolf sub-genre, american werewolf in london, dog soldiers, (which should have made the list, anyway) the howling, even ginger snaps. i love me a wolf-beast. gimmie gimmie.
return of the living dead one of the very few zombie movies i enjoy. what fun!!! i usually crave this film (along with potatoes and nachos) after i've been doing a bit of drinking. it really hits the spot.
house by the cemetery the only fulchi i actually really like. wish i hadn't lost this little piece in "the divorce" (ha ha). everything about this one is weird. another monster. and an end quote to really make you say "huh."
"no one will ever know whether children are monsters or monsters are children." - Henry James
the abominable dr phibes - or, really, anything with vincent price. i could watch vincent price for hours and hours. and i've been known to.
i don't think i've ever seen a vincent price movie i didn't like.
bride of frankenstein what can i say? the bride is foxy and this is a classic black and white monster movie based on one of my favorite books. like you didn't see that one coming...
night of the living dead i know, i know, everybody loves this movie. EVERYBODY.
but coming from a self-proclaimed zombie hater (oh, and i do detest zombies)and someone who doesn't really care too much for romero (*ghasp* the sacrilege!!) my love for this gateway zombie feature is a bit unusual. the moral tale and in this film is far more disturbing then droves of the undead. in both the original and the remake. i sometimes like a movie that reminds me that humans are detestable, hypocritical, loathsome creatures.
yay.
candyman when i was a kid that bloody mary thing freaked me out. candyman is the same idea.
mirrors are scary. monsters in mirrors are scary.
this movie just reminds me so much of my childhood it's almost like a warm, fuzzy childhood blanket wrapped in gore.
a gore blankie. awww...
paranormal activity this movie is the only one i have seen in ages that actually scared me. shadows, objects moving... i like the fact that the filmmakers are banking on the viewers imagination doing the work for them. and my imagination is usually way more fucked than any movie villain, so it worked. the original ending is light-years better than the one they tacked on for the release, so if you have the opportunity to watch it in it's original state i suggest you do so.
trick r treat was perfect. it's been a long time since i've got this excited about ANY film. it was instantly a favotite.
watching it for the first time i felt just like a little kid, all squirrely and amazed and anxious to see what was next.
it's fun, spooky, gory and fantastic. it's everything halloween is supposed to be.
i hope you all enjoyed that little jaunt into my movie psyche. see most of you in a few days, for the most awesome night of the year!
call me a sheep, but i pretty much do what adam tells me to do.
-and you should, too.
he IS pretty evil, after all....
King Kong bet you didn't see that one coming. when i was little we used to watch this movie at my grandparents house. though today you won't find me sitting around watching and re-watching a giant clay gorilla terrorize fay wray, it likely planted a seed of love for monster movies.
stephan kings night shift collection: disciples of the crow/the night waiter i don't even remember what these movies are about. my grandpa loved horror movies, and his house is where my sister and i first for a taste of the good stuff. sometimes he would be watching a particularly scary/gory film and we would choose to go play in another room. sometimes not. this little two-film collection is one we would watch from time to time. too bad its not available on dvd. i'd like to watch them again. i'm sure they're horrible. i really don't care much for stephan king.
hocus pocus i know what you're snickering...it's not a real horror movie. but i adore it now just as much as i did when i was 12. it's spooky, fun, and has doug jones as an lovable zombie. what more could you ask for in a disney movie? (-right, hidden penises. you've got little mermaid for that.)
i indulge in this little flick when i am sad, sick or just want to feel a little bit better about life. i'll probably watch it today, as a matter of fact....
monster squad another one...i loved this movie as a kid. i love this movie today. i really like the german armadillos. that was a nice touch.
are you starting to see how i ended up this way? these movies were my childhood sustenance. that and the last unicorn, labyrinth and dark crystal, which are all pretty weird and sorta fucked up.
horror seemed to stick with me, and as i got older i just kept watching, renting totally random horror movies, buying totally random cheap horror movies when i could find them...what follows are my favorites today
nosferatu i love this movie. i think it's still just as spooky today as it was 88 years ago. it's one of those things that can never be improved upon. i adore classic horror. i could accurately be tattooed with "can be seduced with black and white horror". i have volumes of old horror movies, and i think this is the crown jewel. it's perfection.
pumpkinhead i think pumpkinhead is the most adorable little thing! (until he starts looking like lance fredrickson. then he's not so cute anymore.)
i love the atmosphere, the story, woods, spooky swamp, witches cabin...the characters the monster...everything about thins little gem.
and if i could have a grand entrance like pumpkinhead does every time he happens on the scene my life would be awesome. flashes of lightning, rattlesnake sounds, blowing leaves (even inside!) that dude brings the party.
all it took was a swish of his little tail and i was smitten. he's my little (you know, 7 foot) demonic love. *swoon*
the wolf man i watch this one over and over. lon cheney jr is heartbreaking. and gypsies are cool.
gypsies and werewolves.
kind of two of my favorite things. i just can't go wrong here.
werewolves have a special place in my black little heart. and they kind of make my loins quiver. (god that sounds gross). but seriously, aside from twilight and blood and chocolate, i can pretty much tolerate and/or enjoy any werewolf movie. i could go on and on and finish this list solely in the werewolf sub-genre, american werewolf in london, dog soldiers, (which should have made the list, anyway) the howling, even ginger snaps. i love me a wolf-beast. gimmie gimmie.
return of the living dead one of the very few zombie movies i enjoy. what fun!!! i usually crave this film (along with potatoes and nachos) after i've been doing a bit of drinking. it really hits the spot.
house by the cemetery the only fulchi i actually really like. wish i hadn't lost this little piece in "the divorce" (ha ha). everything about this one is weird. another monster. and an end quote to really make you say "huh."
"no one will ever know whether children are monsters or monsters are children." - Henry James
the abominable dr phibes - or, really, anything with vincent price. i could watch vincent price for hours and hours. and i've been known to.
i don't think i've ever seen a vincent price movie i didn't like.
bride of frankenstein what can i say? the bride is foxy and this is a classic black and white monster movie based on one of my favorite books. like you didn't see that one coming...
night of the living dead i know, i know, everybody loves this movie. EVERYBODY.
but coming from a self-proclaimed zombie hater (oh, and i do detest zombies)and someone who doesn't really care too much for romero (*ghasp* the sacrilege!!) my love for this gateway zombie feature is a bit unusual. the moral tale and in this film is far more disturbing then droves of the undead. in both the original and the remake. i sometimes like a movie that reminds me that humans are detestable, hypocritical, loathsome creatures.
yay.
candyman when i was a kid that bloody mary thing freaked me out. candyman is the same idea.
mirrors are scary. monsters in mirrors are scary.
this movie just reminds me so much of my childhood it's almost like a warm, fuzzy childhood blanket wrapped in gore.
a gore blankie. awww...
paranormal activity this movie is the only one i have seen in ages that actually scared me. shadows, objects moving... i like the fact that the filmmakers are banking on the viewers imagination doing the work for them. and my imagination is usually way more fucked than any movie villain, so it worked. the original ending is light-years better than the one they tacked on for the release, so if you have the opportunity to watch it in it's original state i suggest you do so.
trick r treat was perfect. it's been a long time since i've got this excited about ANY film. it was instantly a favotite.
watching it for the first time i felt just like a little kid, all squirrely and amazed and anxious to see what was next.
it's fun, spooky, gory and fantastic. it's everything halloween is supposed to be.
i hope you all enjoyed that little jaunt into my movie psyche. see most of you in a few days, for the most awesome night of the year!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
adventures in dog-land
due to obis poo-filled teenage rebellion, i am determined to exercise him more.
so today i dug out the dangerous looking contraption i have been strategically using for other useless things all these years called "the springer" (a device for your bike to enable to "safely" attach a leash) and put it on my old bike.
obi was horrified.
so we walked...yes, walked a half a block with him attached to the bike
after finally succumbing to his perceived two-wheeled death machine, i got the courage to mount the bike and ride...attached to a 70 lb pitbull.
it worked!
unlike my imagined outcome, neither of us perished in a bloody bike disaster.
not even much discomfort. (well, ob's might still have some bike trust issues.)
and obi even appeared to exert himself...a little.
actually, it was awesome.
hopefully this will cure his obsession with logs, sticks, saplings -basically anything made out of wood, and i will, again, see vegetation in my backyard.
maybe.
but for now i have to go have a little talk with my other dog, doo, about communal etiquette and not being a nosy, complaining neighbor.
he's worse than an old lady...
so today i dug out the dangerous looking contraption i have been strategically using for other useless things all these years called "the springer" (a device for your bike to enable to "safely" attach a leash) and put it on my old bike.
obi was horrified.
so we walked...yes, walked a half a block with him attached to the bike
after finally succumbing to his perceived two-wheeled death machine, i got the courage to mount the bike and ride...attached to a 70 lb pitbull.
it worked!
unlike my imagined outcome, neither of us perished in a bloody bike disaster.
not even much discomfort. (well, ob's might still have some bike trust issues.)
and obi even appeared to exert himself...a little.
actually, it was awesome.
hopefully this will cure his obsession with logs, sticks, saplings -basically anything made out of wood, and i will, again, see vegetation in my backyard.
maybe.
but for now i have to go have a little talk with my other dog, doo, about communal etiquette and not being a nosy, complaining neighbor.
he's worse than an old lady...
Sunday, October 3, 2010
drive...a love story
another drive
a waste of resources,
of time
of money
-and savior of soul.
something about twilight roads
highways
away from cities
-even tiny cities.
something about the headlights and the dark
the heater blasting on cold toes
nothing but thoughts, music and engine sounds.
something about the gentle embrace of a vehicles interior in the dark
about the delicate, powerful relationship between human and macine
the wheel,
the excellerator,
the brake...
-it's romance.
something about the starry sky up
the black road down
the silhouettes of inky trees on either side.
something about a lonely drive at twilight
to remind you what longing feels like.
and also
belonging.
so i get to think
about what was.
and how the past is with me still
like an aftertaste
always there, just beneath.
and about what is.
what happened?
somehow the fire got smothered to embers.
why? how?
we get older, the system wears us down.
we give up
we give in
we disconnect and forget
we care too much
and not enough
we die.
but tonight i remembered
for the first time in too too long i felt the presence of something great
something that made starry skies
inky night trees
roads
danzig
cars and me
and it felt like i could ever put to a medium for you to understand.
so all i have left to say is this:
grab the keys.
it's not too late.
a waste of resources,
of time
of money
-and savior of soul.
something about twilight roads
highways
away from cities
-even tiny cities.
something about the headlights and the dark
the heater blasting on cold toes
nothing but thoughts, music and engine sounds.
something about the gentle embrace of a vehicles interior in the dark
about the delicate, powerful relationship between human and macine
the wheel,
the excellerator,
the brake...
-it's romance.
something about the starry sky up
the black road down
the silhouettes of inky trees on either side.
something about a lonely drive at twilight
to remind you what longing feels like.
and also
belonging.
so i get to think
about what was.
and how the past is with me still
like an aftertaste
always there, just beneath.
and about what is.
what happened?
somehow the fire got smothered to embers.
why? how?
we get older, the system wears us down.
we give up
we give in
we disconnect and forget
we care too much
and not enough
we die.
but tonight i remembered
for the first time in too too long i felt the presence of something great
something that made starry skies
inky night trees
roads
danzig
cars and me
and it felt like i could ever put to a medium for you to understand.
so all i have left to say is this:
grab the keys.
it's not too late.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
how i spent my (post-)summer (non)vacation
i had a plan to go to indiana with erin.
open road.
adventure.
for the past week i've woken in the morning with a headache.
"huh, weird" was about the extent of attention i paid the situation.
well, i made it as far as madison, where, after we stopped and a bit of alcohol was consumed,
mad crazy sickness ensued.
horrible, worse-than-hungover sickness.
horrible.
still sick in the morning...no more adventure for me.
had to call a madison friend to rescue me and allow me to sleep on their sofa.
tracy (madison friend) scored major friend karma points.
i, deserting erin, lost major friend karma points.
slept all day.
all day.
about 8 hours.
ate a teeny bit. took headache medicine.
john quickly managed to get the day off (somehow, with the awesome help of my mom and the kindness of his co-workers and boss) and came down to rescue me, take me home.
ate almost a real (tiny) meal.
decide to stay the night with greg and tracy. because they rule.
grocery shopping with tracy!! (insert feelings of fun here)
pick up real dinner, start to feel funny (horrible) again.
"huh, weird"
get back to appartment, do not eat dinner.
tracy tidys up the house. cleans the bathroom.
head is exploding.
get to fully examine tracys clean toilet close-up. yay.
(insert feelings of super bad friend + bad guest here)
talk to mom. says dad had migraine, too.
-"too"?
oh, yeah, migraine.
duh.
somehow, instead of making me sleep on the fire escape, they pampered us, and let us sleep under their super awesome star projector.
(most. fucking. awesome. thing. ever.)
wake up next morning.
not feeling horrible. (surely it was star projector cure)
got to go to dane county farm market. (insert feelings of hell yes! here)
head home, the long way.
many stops.
home.
*sigh*
(alternative title: "you have problems with migraines. they are getting worse and interfering with your life. figure it out, dummy.")
open road.
adventure.
for the past week i've woken in the morning with a headache.
"huh, weird" was about the extent of attention i paid the situation.
well, i made it as far as madison, where, after we stopped and a bit of alcohol was consumed,
mad crazy sickness ensued.
horrible, worse-than-hungover sickness.
horrible.
still sick in the morning...no more adventure for me.
had to call a madison friend to rescue me and allow me to sleep on their sofa.
tracy (madison friend) scored major friend karma points.
i, deserting erin, lost major friend karma points.
slept all day.
all day.
about 8 hours.
ate a teeny bit. took headache medicine.
john quickly managed to get the day off (somehow, with the awesome help of my mom and the kindness of his co-workers and boss) and came down to rescue me, take me home.
ate almost a real (tiny) meal.
decide to stay the night with greg and tracy. because they rule.
grocery shopping with tracy!! (insert feelings of fun here)
pick up real dinner, start to feel funny (horrible) again.
"huh, weird"
get back to appartment, do not eat dinner.
tracy tidys up the house. cleans the bathroom.
head is exploding.
get to fully examine tracys clean toilet close-up. yay.
(insert feelings of super bad friend + bad guest here)
talk to mom. says dad had migraine, too.
-"too"?
oh, yeah, migraine.
duh.
somehow, instead of making me sleep on the fire escape, they pampered us, and let us sleep under their super awesome star projector.
(most. fucking. awesome. thing. ever.)
wake up next morning.
not feeling horrible. (surely it was star projector cure)
got to go to dane county farm market. (insert feelings of hell yes! here)
head home, the long way.
many stops.
home.
*sigh*
(alternative title: "you have problems with migraines. they are getting worse and interfering with your life. figure it out, dummy.")
Monday, September 6, 2010
walking revolution
the other night i dyed my hair purple.
(and, accidentally, the microwave pink. but that is another story for another time)
yesterday, upon seeing my plummy locks, my mom asked, "aren't you getting too old for that sort of thing?"
as a million different responses raced through my mind, i simply blurted out an abrupt "no".
-though in the back of my mind i kept repeating the question...
"am i??"
now today a friend whisked a cyndi lauper video my way, and i felt myself breathe a sigh of relief.
i'm only 29.
she's 57.
and apparently she's not too old for that sort of thing.
sometimes when i feel a bit stale i dye my hair. or cut my hair. or get my intoxicated best buddy to shave half my head.
and then i feel a bit better.
somehow, this time this particular turn of events is not only working to pull me from my little funk, but i feel almost inspired.
to to what, i don't know.
but something.
dammit.
why is it that when we're young we are allowed to experiment, be crazy, take risks...but after a certain point we are supposed to fall in line?
what is the point of experimentation if you're just going to end up going the exact same route as everyone else?
why bother?
and why should we ever stop?
what if i never figure out what i want to do, or hell, even who i really am?
isn't that ok?
can't i be an old lady with pink hair if i choose to?
do i have to get a job that i hate and wear button-down shirts with flowers on them and pleated khakis every day? watch daytime tv and fantasize about the guy who works at the post office?
i don't want to.
maybe not ever.
and i don't really care if the ladies at the grocery store or coffee shop or wherever don't agree with the way i live.
hell, i probably wouldn't want ther life, either.
and, quite frankly, i think they're only upset because they're jealous.
most people have voluntarily surrendered their freedom. they've built themselves a safe and socially accepted fortress rigidly guarded by their fears.
people get so wrapped up in what they think others think of them that they lose themselves.
i, personally, think it is FAR more shameful to waste the precious life your given doing what's expected, instead of what you love.
it's good to be foolish.
it's even good to completely fail.
it's like that line from harold and maude "everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much"
you never know what the future holds.
you aren't even guaranteed there IS a future.
hell, i could get hit by a car crossing the street the next time i go out.
or i could drop dead from a burst brain aneurysm before i even finish typing the next word.
you just never know...
so i'll take my chances today.
right now.
while i know that i am alive.
i'll be alive...
(and, accidentally, the microwave pink. but that is another story for another time)
yesterday, upon seeing my plummy locks, my mom asked, "aren't you getting too old for that sort of thing?"
as a million different responses raced through my mind, i simply blurted out an abrupt "no".
-though in the back of my mind i kept repeating the question...
"am i??"
now today a friend whisked a cyndi lauper video my way, and i felt myself breathe a sigh of relief.
i'm only 29.
she's 57.
and apparently she's not too old for that sort of thing.
sometimes when i feel a bit stale i dye my hair. or cut my hair. or get my intoxicated best buddy to shave half my head.
and then i feel a bit better.
somehow, this time this particular turn of events is not only working to pull me from my little funk, but i feel almost inspired.
to to what, i don't know.
but something.
dammit.
why is it that when we're young we are allowed to experiment, be crazy, take risks...but after a certain point we are supposed to fall in line?
what is the point of experimentation if you're just going to end up going the exact same route as everyone else?
why bother?
and why should we ever stop?
what if i never figure out what i want to do, or hell, even who i really am?
isn't that ok?
can't i be an old lady with pink hair if i choose to?
do i have to get a job that i hate and wear button-down shirts with flowers on them and pleated khakis every day? watch daytime tv and fantasize about the guy who works at the post office?
i don't want to.
maybe not ever.
and i don't really care if the ladies at the grocery store or coffee shop or wherever don't agree with the way i live.
hell, i probably wouldn't want ther life, either.
and, quite frankly, i think they're only upset because they're jealous.
most people have voluntarily surrendered their freedom. they've built themselves a safe and socially accepted fortress rigidly guarded by their fears.
people get so wrapped up in what they think others think of them that they lose themselves.
i, personally, think it is FAR more shameful to waste the precious life your given doing what's expected, instead of what you love.
it's good to be foolish.
it's even good to completely fail.
it's like that line from harold and maude "everyone has the right to make an ass out of themselves. You just can't let the world judge you too much"
you never know what the future holds.
you aren't even guaranteed there IS a future.
hell, i could get hit by a car crossing the street the next time i go out.
or i could drop dead from a burst brain aneurysm before i even finish typing the next word.
you just never know...
so i'll take my chances today.
right now.
while i know that i am alive.
i'll be alive...
Friday, August 27, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
a bolt from the blue
i watched you walk away
just being exactly what you are
existing.an unremarkable moment in the course of a lifetime.
just a time and a place
and you.
then lightning
- i'd fall in love with you a million times
over and over again
if my memory should ever fail.
just being exactly what you are
existing.an unremarkable moment in the course of a lifetime.
just a time and a place
and you.
then lightning
- i'd fall in love with you a million times
over and over again
if my memory should ever fail.
nesting
i cleaned my house the other day.
i mean, really cleaned it.
later that day i talked to my mother who, upon hearing about my adventures in domestic hygiene, asked me if i was pregnant.
after i shook the flabbergasted shock from my system i calmly explained to her that due to the blood oozing from my vagina right at that moment, i'm pretty sure that there was no fetus growing in my womb.
she backed her inquiry by stating that it just appeared i was "nesting".
nesting.
i never really thought about that before.
nesting.
do you need to be pregnant to "nest"?
i don't believe so.
not at all.
but i do suppose she had a point.
i AM nesting.
i have been gathering everything important to me all under one little roof
all that i can call my own.
and so i guess that is what i'm doing here, with this new blog.
i'm nesting.
taking everything that's left of what was - or still may be creative in me and feathering it all neat and tidy into one little nest.
hopefully it will evolve into something grand, like an ewok village, and not end up an abandoned clump of twigs in the crook of a forgotten tree.
but who knows.
"nesting" is a verb, after all.
and who knows where verbs go or what they'll do...
i mean, really cleaned it.
later that day i talked to my mother who, upon hearing about my adventures in domestic hygiene, asked me if i was pregnant.
after i shook the flabbergasted shock from my system i calmly explained to her that due to the blood oozing from my vagina right at that moment, i'm pretty sure that there was no fetus growing in my womb.
she backed her inquiry by stating that it just appeared i was "nesting".
nesting.
i never really thought about that before.
nesting.
do you need to be pregnant to "nest"?
i don't believe so.
not at all.
but i do suppose she had a point.
i AM nesting.
i have been gathering everything important to me all under one little roof
all that i can call my own.
and so i guess that is what i'm doing here, with this new blog.
i'm nesting.
taking everything that's left of what was - or still may be creative in me and feathering it all neat and tidy into one little nest.
hopefully it will evolve into something grand, like an ewok village, and not end up an abandoned clump of twigs in the crook of a forgotten tree.
but who knows.
"nesting" is a verb, after all.
and who knows where verbs go or what they'll do...
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